Danielle’s blog

I have returned to the US now, and am sitting in Palm Springs before I head to the meditation retreat for two weeks in Joshua Tree tomorrow.  I woke up at four this morning, after a difficult and long day traveling yesterday. 

It feels weird to be back, in the land of excess, in my parents huge desert house after cramming into a small apartment, where we have a fridge and pantry filled with products purchased in bulk.  It's so quiet here.

My trip to Barcelona was great, although it did come with it's discomforts.  I am not quite so used to spending so much intimate time with my immediate family, but I'm starting to feel a part of the family again after spending the past few years on the east coast.  I did make it to a museum, finally, and made the compulsory visit to La Sagrada Familia, as well as making two trips to Parc Guell, which I think was my favorite site to see.  I didn't realize how much I crave feeling semi-enclosed by wilderness, even if I know full well that there are hordes of people and a bustling city just outside the park limits.  I'll miss that in Seattle.  I also loved the coffee.  While I didn't dine out all that much, I sat in many cafes and sipped cafe con leche and buzzed around, overcoming my jet lag with too much caffeine.

I met such interesting people, mostly Americans and other English-speaking Europeans who spend time in Barcelona as artists, chefs, writers, etc with such fascinating and funny tales of travel.  It makes me yearn to travel more.  I had all sorts of romantic notions of being untethered, freely floating and going wherever I am inspired to.  I started to feel much more comfortable with looking and feeling like an idiot most of the time.  My Spanish was not all that useful.  I could speak enough to order food, but I didn't understand a word of what the Catelonians were speaking, even when they did speak Spanish. 

But then, my relief at arriving back in the states is a little embarassing.  But maybe that's part of the allure. When else would eating a large portion of salmon at the JFK airport Chili's  feel like a treat?  

So, I feel a bit guilty that I haven't done more interesting things since I've arrived here in Barcelona on Thursday morning.  So far, I've really only gone to the beach, wandered around the touristy areas, gone in a couple cathedrals, and taken a lot of naps. 

The day before my flight, I caught a cold, and the jet lag I've experienced from the 9 hour time difference has just kicked my ass.  I feel like I've slept a lot.  And I feel like I've been unnecessarily grumpy the past day or so.  I didn't realize how addicted I am to my laptop (I'm using my mom's right now), to my email, to the tv, to having space ad privacy, to eating large portions, and to shopping.  I'm trying to be careful about how much money I spend here, no easy feat given the sad state of the US dollar, which means I've been eating a lot of cereal and mostly I just walk around and look at things.

But, I do not want to fall into the habit of never updating, which I know I will do if I don't keep myself doing it when I can. 

The beaches here are lovely, with the visitors wearing everything from jeans and overcoats (it's still a bit chilly here) to nothing at all.  My first day here, in an effort to fight off jetlag I went to the beach with my sister instead of taking a nap.  I promptly fell asleep on the beach for five hours and awoke with a patchy sunburn from my weird sleep position. 

Since this is my first trip to Europe, I guess I was expecting it to be more ... different.  And at first, it just seemed like a big westernized city with cool old architecture.  After having been here a few more days I'm starting to notice the differences more.  Like the dread-mullets.  Not just dreadlocks.  Not just a mullet.  A dread-mullet.  Young men here apparently love this hairstyle. 

My family is living in the Barrio Gotic section of Barcelona, which is near the beach and La Rambla, so there are a lot of tourists around here.  There are bars up and down this teeny little street (really, it's an alley), and I have to wear earplugs so that I am not disturbed by the shouting bar patrons.  My earplugs inevitably fall out and I awaken in the middle of the night, confused and disturbed.

I found out on Friday night that I've been waitlisted at UW.  #42 on the ranked waitlist, apparently.  In past years, I think their ranked waitlist was shorter and there was an unranked waitlist from which applicants were pulled.  The woman on the phone told me that typically 20-25 people are pulled from the waitlist each year.  Soooo, time for plan B.  I'm currently torn between returning to BU and Boston, or going to Rush Medical College in Chicago.  It's a tougher call than I'd like it to be.  BU might be better for my career, but I'm not sure that I would like it better.  Students at Rush just seem so happy.  Just as I'm not all that sure I like living in Boston better than I would in Chicago.  So, I'm torn.  Plus, miracles may happen and 42 people at UW may decide not to go.  I'm not really banking on it, but it's a (slim) possibility. 

So now I'm just trying not to make any plans.  I don't need to pick a school until May 15, and so I think it's best to just let things become more clear over time, to gather as much information as possible, and to try to live in this uncertain place just a little bit longer.  Eventually, the right choice will become apparent.  This isn't something that I'm very good at--I love making plans--but it's just what I need to do. 

So, I am preparing to go on a massive traveling tour next week, and I've decided to start posting to vox publicly again.  Sometimes I truly hate everything I write and abandon whatever I've written.  So I'm going to make an attempt not to do that--to be a little less self-conscious and critical, and just post whatever.

So, I've been hanging out in Seattle for the past couple of months.  I was going to take a single class at BU while writing my thesis but the class turned out to be impossibly full and when my relationship ended it turned out I needed somewhere to live.  So I came back to Seattle.  It's been really interesting, for the first time I've fully grieved the end of a relationship rather than distracting myself from the pain.  I've had a lot of opportunity to reflect on the past few years and also to think of what I want for myself in the future.  I have also been un-busy in a way that I haven't been in quite some time.  It's nice to slow things down, particularly when I know that I'm about to get really, really busy.

I'm waiting to hear from UW still.  Overall, I received five acceptances to medical schools, which I am extremely grateful for.  At this point, I am contemplating going back to Boston or heading to Chicago to attend Rush Medical College.  I'd really just like to get into UW, but I am also trying to prepare myself for bad news.  I'm supposed to hear something next week, and now that the time is finally here, I'm getting edgier and edgier.   It's been five months since I interviewed at UW, and while I've been frustrated with hanging in limbo, it's also become a bit of a comfort zone.  I am going to be confronted with some real decisions next week.

I'm going to Barcelona, Spain next week.  My brother and sister have been attending the Sanchez-Casal Academy for the past year.  So I'm going to hang with my mom while my siblings are gone during the day, wandering the streets of Spain and doing even more reflecting, I suppose.

I'm heading down to Dhamma Dena for a two week women's meditation retreat in Joshua Tree, California.  I attended a retreat over Christmas, but Ruth, the instructor, had broken her hip and was absent.  The holiday retreat was student-led and was still amazing, but I'm excited to go experience the retreat led by Ruth.  She's quite atypical for a vipassana instructor.  I had attended a retreat at IMS led by Ruth over labor day, and although her style threw me off, it was in the midst of my med-school application insanity and I think her style helped counteract my over-rigidness and the seriousness I seemed to approach everything in my life with.

I'm flying to Guatemala to attend Pop-Wuj for the month of May immediately after the retreat.  I am going to try get improve my Spanish enough to become comfortable conversationally.  I have no idea what to expect of my Spanish, the volunteering, or the country, although I sat one of my good friends down yesterday and asked her what I should pack based on her experiences in Guatemala.

I'm supposedly going to Nicaragua afterwards, to continue my volunteering, although I haven't received many concrete details about this trip, so at this point I'm just hoping it'll all work out.  I'm planning on being there June-July.  I guess if it doesn't work out, I could just stay in Guatemala for three months.

Then, I'll be back, but as of yet, not sure where I'll be going in August.  I'd like to return to Seattle and slip back into my life here, but of course, there's no way of knowing yet that that's what'll happen.  I may have to pack up and sell my condo and hightail it to the east coast or midwest, figuring out my living arrangements and starting a completely new life.  I'm okay if that happens, because it may be the best thing for me.  I'm just grateful to have been accepted somewhere, and to be starting on this grand journey, the next phase of my life.  

When I was a freshman in college, I encountered my horoscope in "the Onion", saying something to the effect of:

You will lose all hope of ever becoming a competent computer programmer, leaving you feeling strangely relieved.

Ok, it is time for a fresh start, to coincide with so many changes in my life.  I am turning over a new leaf!  Come join me on this journey.